Why Uni isn't for me, BUT why I still go...

This post is slightly different to my usual posts and to be honest, I haven't really ever written about education. If you know me personally, you probably know that I hate education. I mean, I have nothing against it, in fact I think it is great that it is so widely available! However, for me, I just would rather not, you know? But there we go, I'm contradicting what I just said because I decided to go to University. You're probably thinking "What the hell is this gal on about?".. but let me just explain my love/hate relationship with education...

Throughout school I was never really 'brainy', but I was in the second highest set. I believe everyone has certain subjects in school which they are better at than others, mine was English and ICT. All my other subjects I just managed to get the grades I wanted and that's because I never had it in me to try hard enough in the subjects I didn't like. My first major achievement in school which made me really want to do something with my life is when I sat an English exam with my set and a set below me. It was when I was the only person who passed in my school for that exam, that I wanted to actually do better. So, I applied for college and made sure I got all the grades I needed to get in. Although, my biggest regret in school is not the fact I didn't try hard enough in the subjects I hated, but the fact I wasn't able to be myself because of the fear of the people around me. Maybe, if I was able to be myself in school, I would have been able to feel comfortable in my classes and could have thought more positively towards subjects I hated.

Then there was college. I did four AS Levels the first year; Sociology, Business, ICT and Welsh Baccalaureate. I would have loved to have done English Language in college but it wasn't an option unless I took English Literature too - funnily enough, I hated that. College was so different to school as I was surrounded by new people and the people I feared in school were not in any of my classes and I could actually open up! I loved Sociology and Business as it was so different to what I had done previously in school - and of course they were subjects I chose so I felt better about them overall! ICT... well, as I previously said, ICT was something I was good at in school. But in college the teacher we had was too busy signing up for gym classes during the hour, so never actually taught us anything or told us what to do, apart from throwing a book in front of us and telling us to get on with it. Uhhh.... get on with what hun? With that, it wasn't long until she was gone. Then exam period came. Not good. I could not motivate myself to revise for whatever reasons I had and guess what !!! I failed e v e r y subject!

I chose to start over because I was soooo upset that I had let myself down and wasted a year of my life and achieved nothing! I did another two years in college and changed my ICT course to Health and Social Care because I knew I didn't want to do it ever again after that teacher. I didn't 100% put my head down like I told myself I would, because I know that's not me and like I said, I'd rather not when it comes to education. The last year of college I decided that I might actually want to go to University. Originally, all through school and the first two years of college, I wanted to finish college with my results and then work full time until 21. Then when I would turn 21 I would go back to college to do a Counselling course and that was something I was really passionate about and set on doing. But no, I told myself I should apply for University and push myself harder. I got my offers and I thought I'd never get in with the grades they were asking for because of my previous history when it comes to grades. So I came up with a back up plan of applying for full time work as a carer until I was 21. Results day came and I got in to University.

Needless to say, I was not prepared to go to University. I had told myself so many times that I wouldn't get in that I believed I'd never have a chance! I remember telling my friend on results day to check her UCAS to see if she got in, because she was so set on going! I didn't even check my UCAS and wanted to wait until I got my results. Funny story actually: whilst I was getting ready, my phone rang. I never answer unknown numbers, but for some insane reason I answered - "Hi, is this Whitney? I would like to congratulate you on getting into Criminology at Swansea University" ... WHAT? I was not expecting this!! I was so bloody shocked that I just said "Oh thank you" and hung up! Thinking back to it, he must of thought I was so rude! Oooooops.

A couple of weeks later I'm on campus and going to my first lecture! University is totally different to school and college. The likelihood of being in the same classes as anyone you actually know, unless planned, is very unlikely. FANTASTIC! In fact I have met five wonderful girls who are completely off their heads and it's great!

But here comes the shit. I take Criminology and Social Policy. I thought it would be fab learning new interesting things but some of the subjects within these courses are just... what? I HATE History, and one of the Social Policy subjects in Semester one was exactly that. No thanks hun! There was absolutely nothing Criminological about Semester one too... like what even is Study Skills?? I think I did that in Year 4. But now we are in Semester two. A lot more criminology which I am totally loving, but I have never done Law before, and the lecturers automatically assume you have - so what did you just say again? I'm paying £9,000 a year (eventually) to try to keep up with things I have never learnt before - but are being taught as if I have.. Also, I'm only there two days a week, one day is just for two hours, and the other day is just for four. There is no free parking and you have to park in a public car park which is a five to ten minute walk, depending where you park - which costs you £3-£5 a go.. I'm not a fan of having to walk basically miles with my arm falling off because of the ridiculous weight of books in my bag. I'm also not a fan of having to pay to park when I'm always bloody skint anyway!! Regardless of this, I have to drive half an hour to get to University and as a student money doesn't stretch far anyway. Sometimes I can't go in because I have used all my petrol to get to work and can't afford to drive there - or more likely can't afford the parking fee for just two hours!!! PS: How do people who live in uni manage to live???!

Although my course is classed as full time, at the moment it just feels like a waste of £9,000. I know a lot of the time you have to do your own research, but when I don't even know what is being said because I have never learnt it, I don't have a clue where to start!

Soooo... Why do I still go? My end goal is to have a career where I can earn enough for my family and myself to live comfortably. I don't think it matters how much I hate education and how much I would rather be doing anything else than sitting in a lecture hall at 9AM, my future is what is important. Immediate gratification is something I would absolutely love to be able to make myself do, but I have to graduate. Besides this, I don't want to be in a full time job yet anyway and I want to find myself by pushing to do these challenges - otherwise what's the point? The most bizarre thing about all this is the fact I want to do my Masters after I have finished my three long years doing my undergraduate course. Am I mad? Yes.

I would love to hear your thoughts on education and University as a whole! I would also love to know what you decided to do after school/college, so let me know in the comments below!

Until next time,

Whitney.

The Bullsh*t of a Perfect Relationship

In today's post I wanted to talk about perfect relationships. Do they exist? Or is everything about a perfect relationship utter bullshit? I'm going to tell you about the oo's and ah's, the in's and the out's of a relationship, whether it is something you have experienced or not, at the end of this post you may either be completely put off relationships, or be more open minded about being in one or getting in them. I reached out to my followers on twitter and asked in a poll whether they thought their relationship was perfect.. Out of 42 votes, only 19% thought yes, 33% voted sometimes and a 48% said no. 

As a quick disclaimer this post is based on my own relationships and relationships which have been built around me. 

I am now 20 years old, and I have had what I think, two long term relationships. My first long term relationship was with someone I met just three months before making it 'official' and lasted a year and a half . Was it perfect? No. My second long term relationship is the relationship I am currently in, except this time we have known each other for six years. Is my relationship perfect? NO. The relationships my friends and family have, they are not perfect either. So, what is perfect? Will my relationship ever be perfect? Of course, at times, moments in my relationship do feel that way, but most of the time it isn't because life gets in the way.

My personal thoughts on a relationship is that your relationship is going to be the way you let it be. For those of you in new relationships, if you think your relationship is perfect... then maybe wait until the "honeymoon" period wares off and then think again. If you are one of those very lucky people who actually has a perfect relationship, then bravo! These days, relationships are everywhere. Couples will pass you in the street hand in hand, looking so happy, then you'll see couples posting everywhere on social media with pictures and soppy captions, but we don't see what's behind closed doors and behind those pictures. I have found myself comparing many of my relationships to those I see online, wondering why they can't be as simple and amazing as the ones I have seen. It is actually quite sad thinking about it, but let us all be honest, we all have at least once wished for a relationship like Kelly has down the road. 

Relationships are fun, but difficult. You are allowing yourself to share your life with this random person who's decided to do the same. Maybe, you meet this person in a totally normal way, for example, at school, college, university, at work, down the pub or even in a club. Or maybe, you could meet this person in the most random place, such as the soup aisle in Tesco's, when your running on the treadmill in the gym and catch them looking at you in the mirror, or even meeting them when they are delivering your pizza. Who knows? That is your story. But meeting this person is just the start. Hell, it feels amazing to have someone in my life where I can talk absolute crap without being judged. It is nice to have someone to cook for me when I am so not in the mood to move, or to scoff a takeaway with whilst having a Friends marathon for the tenth time. It is also great having someone to sleep next to, wake up to and basically do everything together which you'd usually do solo. I bet when you first started dating your other half, you didn't think about the argument you would have about who's going to do the dishes or who's going to do the dirty laundry? My guess is, probably not. The smallest things can drive me up the bloody wall with my boyfriend - seriously! 

The way I see it is, all relationships will have a rough patch, unless your twelve and you last a week, then we'll rule that one out. In my own mind, since I was as young as I remember, up until this day, I have always painted a pretty picture of what my perfect relationship would be like. This dream relationship would be where both of us were constantly happy, loved every single thing about each other, no issues whatsoever. But let's face it, will that ever happen? Probably not. As a couple you are not going to agree on everything, you will hate each other, and remember those small things which made you fall for your other half? You will eventually hate them too. Now, I'm not saying if your relationship isn't perfect, that it won't work, because it will, if it is worth it. 

The most minor problems as a couple which you needn't worry about are things such as neither of you wanting to watch what the other does in the cinema, what to have for dinner, or the fact they snore like a gorilla. Real problems are where you find yourself stuck and begging for a way out. I find that a lot of relationships are built on lies. It is almost everyone's way out of letting the other person see the bad in them, because obviously nobody wants someone they just met to hate them before they even get started. But sometimes, lies get taken too far or they don't uncover. It is that moment where you think you know everything and for example someone else comes out with something you have never heard, or heard a different story. The moment where you find yourself not knowing who the hell you're with, but it's the willingness inside of you to work through it. It is also small things such as not having any money. Money isn't everything but it does help a lot for your own independence, and if you don't have that, then you will find yourself relying on you other half, which will most definitely cause problems in the future. 

HOWEVER, the beauty of a relationship is that, whether it works out or not, you will find yourself and who you really are through it. You will figure out your worth, even after putting up with things you never thought you would, but after that you will never settle for anything less. You will realize things about yourself, such as having it in yourself to understand how to love someone at their worst, or even when they least deserve it, putting yourself through the inevitable and then, coming out stronger. The truth is though, you shouldn't have to pretend to yourself that your relationship is perfect, you should be happy in whatever relationship you are in. If you struggle to find happiness, get out.

So, relationships are not what they are made out to be. It won't always be breakfast in bed and foot rubs, you will come across hard times. Personally, a relationship will never always be perfect. Life will get in the way. My relationship is not perfect, but I am very happy. I will post my relationship on social media, I will act like it is amazing. I will not expose the problems of my relationship, as that is between us. But we are far from perfect. A real relationship is not perfect. A real relationship is where two people will respect each other and work through their problems together, have the right priorities, are willing to make compromises and eventually fight for the relationship and come out even stronger at the end. This way you will be perfect for each other, in a real relationship.

The bullshit of a perfect relationship is that it exists.

A Makeup Review - Fenty Beauty

As we all know, the absolute goddess, Rihanna or otherwise known as Robyn Fenty, has brought out her own makeup brand, 100% cruelty free! If you don't know about Fenty Beauty then where the hell have you been hiding?! Everyone I know is so impressed with the diverse shade range, 40 shades to be exact and I so desperately needed to be matched again as I have changed colour since I last got matched (how??!!). So after watching probably over 50 first impressions on YouTube and reading post over post's of "Is Fenty Beauty worth the hype?", I decided why not jump on the bandwagon and give it a go myself! Not all reviews are positive but that's exactly like every other brand right? I went online to try and order but I honestly didn't know what shade I was as the website I usually use to match my foundation (findation.com) hasn't been updated yet and doesn't have Fenty Beauty as an option. I looked at swatches everywhere and tried to find people who were using a shade in my other foundation but I actually couldn't. As Fenty Beauty is exclusive to Harvey Nichols, I couldn't exactly get it locally as I don't live anywhere near the nearest one, so I decided to wait until my birthday when I was in London so I could actually get it.

By the time I was at London I had chosen I didn't just want the Pro Filt'r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation (what a mouthful!), I also wanted to try the Match Stix Trio and the Pro Filt'r Instant Retouch Primer. As well as wanting a new foundation, I wanted to have a new primer as I turned on the one I was using for the last few months. When I got to Harvey Nichols, there was a queue outside to wait to be matched - what? I really have never been in a queue to be matched! The woman who matched me was super nice, but I also don't think I had a choice on what colour Matc Stix's I actually wanted, she just told me.

I should mention that my skin type is normal to combination skin. Some days I get oily in my T-Zone but other days I don't at all. I don't suffer from acne but do have the odd pimple every now and then and I do have some scarring from previous spots.

The Pro Filt'r Instant Retouch Primer retails at £24 for 32ml of product. This primer is actually the best primer I have ever tried. I use one and a half pumps and in my opinion that is more than enough to set my skin in place for my foundation. The primer is a sort of lotion formula and feels so nice when putting it on my face. I don't know if it's just me being delusional but.. I also feel like the primer smooths out the texture of my face and blurs my imperfections ever so slightly. For my skin it does matte it and it doesn't dry my skin up too much. If you have very dry skin then I wouldn't recommend this primer as it could do more harm than good by drying up your skin too much. On the other hand, if you have oily skin, I think the primer would not last all day and that you would have to powder and possibly touch up throughout the day. The only thing I hate about this primer is the fact it is so damn hard to photograph! It literally would not stay still!

The Pro Filt'r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation retails at £26 for 32ml of product. Personally, the price is so good for how much product you get and cheaper than most high end foundations. The shade I use is 120, a neutral toned liquid foundation. I do feel like this is a perfect match for the colour I am now. Personally, the foundation does oxidize ever so slightly, but it doesn't go to that weird orange or pink colour like some other foundations do. Personally, the foundation is medium coverage, although it is definitely buildable to get that full coverage look. I was actually surprised at how well the coverage was despite the foundation being so runny. Depending on what I want, I use two pumps for an even medium coverage and then a further two pumps if I want my foundation to be full coverage with my beauty blender. I tried both a beauty blender and a range of foundation brushes, including a stippling and kabuki brush and I much rather the finish with a beauty blender. When I started to use the foundation, it wouldn't sit right on my face and it wasn't longwear at all. But now that I've got the jist of things and the foundation sits amazing on my face. I have even been to the gym with this foundation on without powder and it hasn't moved! I should also mention that it does not feel heavy on my face, I actually feel quite bare when I use it! Compared to my other go to foundation, Estee Lauder Double Wear Stay in Place, the Fenty Beauty one has less coverage but lasts as long as the Estee Lauder foundation.

The Match Stix Trio retail at £46 or at £21 if sold individually. 

The contour Match Stix is my favourite one of the three by far. I use the shade Mocha, a cool toned contour stick although it totally doesn't look cool toned in the picture?? Before now I have never used a contour stick, but honestly I have never used something so amazing in my life! It blends in so easily and beautifully that you won't look like you have a helmet on or like you have mud on your cheeks! The best thing about the combination of the foundation and the contour stick is that the foundation doesn't come off underneath - I am however yet to try the contour stick with another foundation, so hold that thought!

The concealer Match Stix I definitely have mixed feelings about. I use the shade Bamboo. I don't know about you but there is something so satisfying about having a lighter concealer for that bright undereye. But this concealer is basically the exact same colour as my foundation ehh? At first I found this concealer pretty pointless as the foundation does the job of covering up all my redness. But, then I found that if my foundation starts to look a bit crap I can touch up using this instead of wasting more foundation! I also found that although it is not an eye primer, it is one of the best concealers I have used to prime my eyelids. It does the job right? I guess if the foundation doesn't cover your imperfections as well or even if you just want a lighter coverage, this concealer would work wonders.. but for me it's pretty pointless. I think I'll stick to my trust Collection Lasting Perfection.

This is a Match Stix Shimmer Skinstick in the shade Trippin. Honestly, I wish this wasn't in the trio. Don't get me wrong the colour is beautiful and when I swatch it on my hand, I could die. My first impression of this was so-so bad. Honestly. When the woman put this on my face on top of my own make up I looked like a frickin clown! I looked in the mirror and pretended I loved it because she looked so amazed with her masterpiece - NO! I was genuinely so embarrassed that I barely looked at my boyfriend, like please don't look at me! I think she put it on too heavy or something because it just looked stupid. Although, when I tried it myself it didn't look much better mind. I'm not a massive fan of blush but I do sometimes on the rarest occasion dig out my blush when I'm feeling a change. But no, no. I tried it as a highlight because the woman said I could do that too, uh what a mess! I love highlight but there's nothing worse than having a pink stripe on your cheekbone! SO I tried it on my eyes, as she said I could do that too. It didn't do much either, and I would never us this colour on my lid on its own and my powder shadows are way more pigmented. My last resort was to try it on my lips. It looks sh*t alone. But, finally (!!!), I found a way to use this stupid stick and make it look pretty! I used it on top of one of my lipsticks, I found the gods of this product. 

Overall, I found a new makeup brand to fall in love with. Could we also just appreciate the packaging? What are your opinions on Fenty Beauty?

See you soon,

XoXo